Hey Darling,
I know you're feeling really scared and that we've been through, and are still experiencing, some terrifying symptoms. But, love, the truth is, I am pretty miraculous at re-calibrating toward health, truly, it's kinda my thing.
I know you feel like you need to find the solution to our health concerns, you know, like ditching all those toxic inflammatory foods, all those sneaky grains, and beans, and nuts, and gluten, and dairy, and eggs, and saturated fats, and polyunsaturated fats, and oxilates, and sugar, and forget about the fucking ice cream and double stuffed Oreos you think you want to eat.
But here's the deal, you don't need to "heal us". That's my specialty. It's what I was designed to do. In fact, if you really want to be helpful to our goal of feeling great, the best thing you can do is chill the fuck out! Seriously, your constant worry and fear and anxiety are infinitely more toxic and harmful than anything you've let cross your lips. Let that sink in. Food is not meant to be feared.
And yet you have approached nearly every meal for the last twelve years in a state of panic. Berating yourself for what you were truly hungry for. Judging your moral integrity by your food cravings. Denying yourself any enjoyment or pleasure in the name of fitness or health. Forcing yourself to choke down the healthy choice because it was the "right" thing to do. Trembling with fear over the food you were about to eat because it might just be the thing that kills us, feeling out of control to stop. Starving us. Bingeing uncontrollably in secret, shrouded in shame. Obsessing over when, what, and how much you would eat next.
Woman hear this, it is not about what you eat, but the joy with which you eat it. Really. So chill the fuck out and eat all the damn food. And I DO mean ALL the damn food (yes even the Oreos). Listen to and honor your cravings, they will not ruin you, I promise. And eventually your relationship with food and eating and your body will heal, and feel normal, easy, joyful even.
I will lovingly take care of the rest. You know, the beating of our heart, and circulation of blood, and breathing of the air, and coordination of muscle and bone and movement and balance. The digestion, and elimination, and assimilation of nutrients. The detoxifying of toxins. The seeing, and smelling, and hearing, and tasting, and touching. I'll handle the sleeping, and waking, and metabolism. And might I remind you how I orchestrated the growth, and birthing, and feeding of your three gorgeous babes? That all went off without a hitch. I've got this.
I can sense you freaking out a little "What about our health, and our size, if I eat ALL the things?!" and my darling, this is what I want you to know; You can trust me. Together we need to get turned around and headed back in the right direction, and a course correction of this magnitude will need some time, and space, and trust, and trial and error, and relapses, and mistakes, and forgiveness, and grace, but this I can promise you; We will come out the other side headed squarely in the direction of our best life. And while the shape and size of your body might shift and change along the way in ways that may seem downright terrifying, I can assure you that you will be no less valuable, and lovable, and attractive than you were that time you ate cleanly (starved) and worked out (obsessively) until you fit into a size zero. Because sexy, and confident, and amazing, and successful, well honey, despite what the media leads you to believe, that shit doesn't depend on the number on the tag of your skinny jeans. It's true.
So, my love, trust me, and trust you, and let's do this. It's going to be amazing!
Love,
Your Beloved Body
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I am finally facing my disordered eating head on and am taking steps to heal my relationship with food and my body. This letter from my body is an exercise prompted by Caroline Dooner of
. If freedom and joy around food and within your body sounds appealing to you, I can't recommend Caroline's blog, and new podcast, and free course enough. Please check her out.