The house is quiet. Everyone else is already asleep, and I know I should be too. Even though Berkley is sleeping soundly and peacefully at the moment, she will wiggle herself awake soon and often throughout the night wanting more milk, and morning will come much too quickly. But oh, the words, they're swimming around in my brain and I have to let them flow. It's now or never.
It might just be that the signs of fall are abundant, with the amber and crimsen starting to tinge the foliage, and the cool breezes carrying massive clouds across powdery skies. It's no secret that fall is my favorite time of year, something makes me come alive, sparks inspiration, fills me with unshakeable happiness. Lately I've been having these clear moments of startling and absolute gratitude. Moments that make the back of my eyes burn with tears and make me shake my head wondering, can it possibly get any better than this?
Moments like yesterday, when the girls and I turned the living room into a dance party. With Berkley perched on my hip, one hand holding the back of my arm, the other with a fist full of my shirt, head resting on my shoulder. My little koala. Going along for the ride as the bass propelled my bobbing and swaying and the melody flung my free hand up to raise the roof. Milani took out all the stops, pulled out every move, every booty shakin,' foot stompin', twirling maneuver she had. And we laughed, and we groved, and it could have been just any plain old living room dance party. It
was just a plain old living room dance party, but it hit me so hard in the heart, and filled me with such a high on life sense of joy. It reminded me there is just nothing better than this moment, this life.
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| the reason the laundry doesn't stay folded |
Moments like this afternoon, with the rain clouds dimming the light and candles casting bobbing shadows on the walls making the kitchen feel so cozy. Milani and I shared a cup of tea while Berkley played by our feet, scooting around in search of treasures. My heart could have burst. Honestly, these little moments can so easily slip right past. They're so ordinary that they do so often just sneak right by. But not lately. Lately they've seemed so monumental, so surreal, so
stop-me-in-my-tracks-in-my-face that I hope I can hang on to this keen sense of wonder. I hope I can find a moment each and every day that makes me shake my head and marvel at how incredible life is.
I've even been getting glimpses of the relationship blossoming between my girls. It's always there under the hair pulling and toy snatching, but sometimes the loving bond between these two is palpable, way more often than I would even expect. A generous gesture with a toy, a loving touch on the cheek, a smile, a kiss, a pat on the head, even when they don't realize I'm watching. They don't escape me, and there is nothing more heartwarming than seeing them love on each other. I am so grateful these two will have each other.
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| lookout, she's crawling! |
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| monkey see... |
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| ...monkey do |
As much as I knew that Berkley would keep a close eye on Milani, wanting to do all the things her big sissy can do, and wanting to have the things sissy has, I didn't expect the way Milani would strive just as hard to be like Berkley. It's mutual, and reciprocal. Sometimes I think Milani just wants to be the baby again. Sometimes I think she is sincerely intrigued by the fun her sister is having. Sometimes she is just looking to stir up a reaction from me. It's constant, though, this pull and tug and meeting in the middle where baby turns toddler and back again, where neither one solely looks up to the other but instead they look across at each other, sister admiring sister.
Well my girlie is stirring and I've gone on all blissed out and mushy long enough. Time to put my hormones away and my head to the pillow.
